post one.

have you asked yourself the important questions today?

"who am i?"
"what is my purpose in life?"
"when is it going to get better?"
"where is this all going?"
"why am i here?"

do it, then think about it all way too fucking much to the point where your brain throbs, then get back to me.

hi, i'm a white woman in my 30's who's here to whine about my life. i'm mostly doing this because i live in an area with limited mental health services and therefore need to create an outlet for myself where i can talk about my feelings, but without paying out the ass for a therapist because i don't have insurance.

i live in trump's america, during a shit economic period. i also have a liberal arts degree from a fairly well known midwestern university. obviously i'm rolling in job prospects. pair it with the fact that a few years ago, i started serving for the first time ever because how the hell else can i make $20-30 per hour with said liberal arts degree? now i'm about five years out of my full-time administrative groove (which is also a very rewarding and not mind-numbing at all career path) so now it becomes increasingly difficult to find that line of work since my experience is dated.

i've lived in several different places throughout my life. first in kansas then france then colorado then florida then i went back to france for a minute then wound up back in kansas for a few years. i took the aforementioned serving job so i could save money and apply to a masters program abroad. i did it, and i got in, and i moved to berlin. i was only there a month and came home. the program wasn't what i thought it would be. it was more expensive than i thought it would be. i had hoped i would be able to get a job or some funding opportunities or something to help ease the constraints of living in europe on just your hard-earned savings, but that didn't pan out. everything came to a crossroads and i felt like i needed to make a quick decision to either fully commit or come back and try something new.

so i did the latter, and now i'm in oregon. coastal oregon. in a town that's smaller than the "next biggest town" near my hometown. i don't know what i'm doing. jobs are scarce here, too. i have one and it provides decent money. it provides zero gratification though. it also does not provide insurance or a regimented schedule. it's a poorly run restaurant in a tourist town, and the summer is just winding down. the days and the lines of customers are getting shorter.

so for now i'll try to write a little something every day, just to get this bullshit out of my head.